Sports Night
from the TV series created by Aaron Sorkin

(A story from Jeremy (Joshua Malina), the new associate producer of late night sports highlights show, Sports Night. He has just come back from a hunting trip that was his first produced segment. He was asked whether he had a problem and, because he thought he should conform to his boss, said no. This is what he said when his boss asked him why he ended up sick and hyperventilating in the hospital.)
Jeremy: Yeah. Bob and Eddie were using the IR-50 Recon by Bushcomber. It's got a sixteen-inch microgrooved barrel with 30-30 mags, side-scope mount, wire- cutter sheath, quick-release bolt, mag catches and a three pound trigger. So I figured we must be going after a pretty dangerous duck. We shot a deer. (pause) In the woods near Lake Mattatuck on the second day. There was a special vest they had me wear so that they could distinguish me from things they wanted to shoot, and I was pretty grateful for that. Almost the whole day had gone by, we hadn't gotten anything. Eddie was getting frustrated and Bob Shoemaker was getting embarrassed. My camera guy needed to re-load so I told everybody to take a ten minute break. There was a stream nearby and I walked over with this care-package Natalie made me. I sat down and when I looked up I saw three of them; small, bigger, biggest. Recognizable to any species on the face of the planet as a child, a mother and a father. Now, the trick in shooting deer is you gotta get 'em out in the open. And it's tough with deer, 'cause these are clever, cagey animals with an intuitive sense of danger. You know what you have to do to get a deer out in the open? You hold out a twinkie. (pause) That animal clopped up to me like we were at a party. She seemed to be pretty interested in the twinkie, so I gave it to her. Looking back, she'd have been better off if I'd given her the damn vest. And Bob kind of screamed at me in whisper, "Move away!" The camera had been re-loaded and it looked like the day wasn't gonna be a washout after all. So I backed away, a couple of steps at a time, and closed my eyes when I heard the shot. Look, I know these are animals, and they don't play bridge and go to the prom, but you can't tell me that the little one didn't know who his mother was. (pause) That's gotta mean something. And later, at the hospital, Bob Shoemaker was telling me about the nobility and tradition of hunting and how it related to the native American Indians. And I nodded and I said that was interesting while I was thinking about what a load of crap it was. Hunting was part of Indian culture. It was food and it was clothes and it was shelter. They sang and danced and offered prayers to the gods for a successful hunt so that they could survive just one more unimaginably brutal winter. The things they had to kill held the highest place of respect for them, and to kill for fun was a sin. (pause) And they knew the gods wouldn't be so generous next time. What we did wasn't food and it wasn't shelter and it sure wasn't sports. It was just mean.

(Back story (from the contributor): sports anchor Dan Rydel (Josh Charles) is quoted in a magazine to the effect that he supports the legalization of marijuana. Not true. He just thinks it's a health issue, not a criminal issue. The legal eagles from Sports Night hover around him like legal vultures forcing him to do an on-air apology. In the same interview, he says, "I haven't used drugs in eleven years." Not ten, not in the vicinity, exactly eleven years today. He asked the eagles, "Who am I apologizing to?" The answer is not "Your viewers.")
Casey (Peter Krause): Dan?
Dan: (steadily into camera) This network, the Continental Sports Channel, has asked me to clarify some remarks I made in a publication that hit your newsstands this morning. It is possible that one could come away from this article with the impression that I don't believe that drugs are a destructive and deadly force in our culture, our economy and on the lives of our children. (very long pause)
Natalie (Sabrina Lloyd): Uh-oh.
Dave (Jeff Mooring): Talk to me, Dana.
Dana (Felicity Huffman): Stay with him.
Natalie: (into headset) Casey, be ready to take us to commercial.
Isaac (Robert Guillaume): (softly) Come on, Daniel.
Dan: (into camera) I have a younger brother named Sam. Sam's a genius. I mean, literally. As a kid, he tested off the charts. The first computer I ever had, he built from a kit he bought with money he earned tutoring other kids in math. He's energetic and articulate, curious and funny. A great source of pride to our parents. And there's no doubt that he'd be living a great life right now, except for that he's dead. Because when you're fourteen years old, all you ever really want to be is your sixteen year old brother. And in my case, that meant smoking a lot of dope. The day I went off to college was the day Sam got his driver's license. And he celebrated by going for a drive with some of his friends. Drunk and high as a paper kite. He never saw the red light that he ran. And he probably never saw the eighteen-wheel truck that put him into the side of a brick bank, either. (long pause) That was eleven years ago tonight. And I just wanted to say... I'm sorry, Sam. You deserved better in my hands. And I apologize. (pause) That's all. Casey and I will be right back after this with the American League wrap-up. You're watching Sports Night on CSC, so don't go away.
Dave: We're out.
(Dead silence in control room)

(A black high school athlete in tennessee refuses to play football under the confederate flag. Six of his teammates have joined him and their futures are all in doubt. Isaac has been coaxed into doing an on-air editorial on the show.)
Isaac (Robert Guillaume): Thank you, Casey. Exaudio, Comperio, Conloquor. That's a Latin phrase that translates: To Listen, To Learn, To Speak. Those words are carved into the stone arches that form the entrance to the undergraduate library at Tennessee Western University. The stones themselves were hauled to the site by an elite delegation from the Army Corps of Engineers. What made this group elite was that its members were drawn from the Delaware 44th Rifle Battalion and the Tennessee 14th: The Tennessee Volunteers. They worked together on one of the first post-war restoration projects. The building of a college. This afternoon, an extraordinary young man named Roland Shepard made what had to have been an excrutiating decision. He said he wasn't playing football under a Confederate flag. Six of his teammates then chose not to let Shepard stand alone. I don't know how many people witnessed this spectacle, but it was a sight to see. Seven men, the oldest of them not yet 21 and all of them knowing full well the potential consequence of their actions. And I choose to join them at this moment. In the history of the South, there's much to celebrate. And that flag is a desecration of all of it. It's a banner of hatred and separation. It's a banner of ignorance and violence and a war that pitted brother against brother, and to ask young black men and women, young Jewish men and women, Asians, Native Americans, to ask Americans to walk beneath its shadow is a humiliation of irreducable proportions. And we all know it. Tennessee Western has produced some outstanding alumni in the last hundred years. People of wisdom and vision. Strength and compassion. One of them is Luther Sachs. Luther Sachs owns Continental Corp, which owns the Continental Sports Channel, which you're watching right now. Luther Sachs is a generous alumni contributor to Tennessee Western with a considerable influence over its Chancellor, Davis Blake, and its Board of Trustees. Luther, you've got a phone call to make. You've got to call Chancellor Blake and tell him to take down that flag or he can stop looking for your checks in the mail. You've got to put these young men back in a classroom, and I mean pronto. These boys are gonna make you proud one day, Luther. I challenge you to do the right thing. Not an unreasonable request to make of a man whose alma mater declares Exaudio, Comperio, Conloquor. To Listen, To Learn, To Speak. In the meantime, God go with you, Roland Shepard and you six Southern Gentlemen of Tennessee. God's not done with any of you yet.

(Monica (Janel Moloney), a very sweet 25-year-old, appears at the door of Casey's (Peter Krause) office. She's holding several dress shirts over one arm and several neckties over the other. It would appear that she's had to summon most of her courage for this moment.)
Monica: Excuse me, Mr. McCall?
Casey: Yeah.
(He turns off the TV)
Monica: I'm sorry, is this a bad time?
Casey: For what?
Monica: I'd like to ask you a question, but if you're preparing the show, if this is a bad time, I can come back.
Casey: What's your question?
Monica: What's my name?
Casey: (beat) What's your name?
Monica: Yes.
Casey: What are we doing right now?
Monica: If this is a bad time --
Casey: I'm sorry, I'm not very good at remembering names.
Monica: Who was the number two man on the Boston Red Sox staff in 1977?
Casey: It was Ferguson Jenkins.
Monica: My name's Monica. I'm the assistant wardrobe supervisor for Sports Night as well as two other shows here at CSC. I think you hurt the feelings of the woman I work for. Her name is Maureen and she's been working here since the day you started.
Casey: I know Maureen.
Monica: Can I ask you another question?
Casey: I'm sorry I didn't know your name.
Monica: (holding up a necktie) Do you know what color this is?
Casey: It's grey.
Monica: It's called gun metal. Grey has more ivory in it, gun metal has more blue. Can you tell me which of these shirts you should wear it with?
Casey: I don't know.
Monica: No you don't. There's no reason why you should. You're not supposed to know what shirt goes with what suit or how a color in a necktie can pick up your eyes. You're not expected to know what's going to clash with what Dan's wearing or what pattern's gonna bleed when Dave changes the lighting. Mr. McCall, you get so much attention and so much praise for what you actually do, and all of it's deserved. When you go on a talk-show and get complimented on something you didn't, how hard would it be to say "That's not me. That's a woman named Maureen who's been working for us since the first day. It's Maureen who dresses me every night, and without Maureen, I wouldn't know gun metal from a hole in the ground." Do you have an idea what it wouldn've meant to her? Do you have any idea how many times she would've played that tape for her husband and her kids? (beat) I know this is when it starts to get busy for you, and I hope I didn't take up too much of your time. Please don't tell Maureen I spoke to you, she'd be pretty mad at me.
Casey: (pause) I won't, Monica.
(Monica leaves)

(This actually comes directly after another monologue on my website, where Jeremy (Joshua Malina) describes what happened on a hunting trip. This is Isaac's (Robert Guillaume) rebuttal.)
Isaac: (long pause) Jeremy... why didn't you tell us how you felt about hunting when we gave you this?
Jeremy: Because you told me you spoke to Mark Sabath at USA Today.
Isaac: Yeah, but what --
Jeremy: In fact I know you must have spoken to him before you ever hired me.
Isaac: Well, of course I did. I also spoke to Dave Heller at the Free Press and Tom Monahan at the Sacramento Bee.
Jeremy: And they all said pretty much the same thing.
Isaac: Yes, they all said that Jeremy Goodwin was a bright guy with a world-class understanding of popular sports but that he didn't quite fit in and there was little chance that he'd advance in their organization.
Jeremy: Due respect, Mr. Jaffee, but I have $80,000 in college loans to pay back. My instincts told me to shut the hell up and do what I was told.
Isaac: Your instincts were wrong.
Jeremy: Not fitting in is how qualified people lose jobs.
Isaac: Yeah, but a lot of the time it's how they end up working here. Now, you had an obligation to tell us how you felt. Partly because I don't like getting a phone call saying I put one of my people in the hospital. But mostly because when you feel that strongly about something you have a responsibility to try and change my mind. Did you think I would fire you simply because you made a convincing argument? It's taken me a lot of years but I've come around to this: If you're dumb, surround yourself with smart people. And if you're smart, surround yourself with smart people who disagree with you. I'm an awfully smart man and Mark Sabath is an idiot. He had you and he blew it. You're gonna do great here, but you gotta trust us. You fit in on your own time. When you come to work for me you show up to play. (pause) I'm going home. (gets his coat) You don't know us very well. So if it's hard trusting us at the beginning, maybe it'll help to know that... we trust you. Good night.!

(This monologue is from the Pilot episode. Dana (Felicity Huffman) is interviewing Jeremy (Joshua Malina) for the associate producer job. She asks him for three thing the Knicks should do to contend in the playoffs)
Jeremy: Ms. Whitaker…I would be great at this job. You've gotta believe me when I tell you I've been training my whole life for it. I've crunched stats, I've broken down film, and there wasn't a team at my high school that didn't have me for an equipment manager. I have read every box score in every newspaper that's printed in English and has a sports section, and I have seen "Sports Night" every night since your first broadcast, two years, two months, and a week ago today. Now, yes, sure, indeed. I can tell you what Ewing and Oakley are shooting from the field, and that you're not gonna stop John Starks if he squares up to the basket, and put any defensive pressure on Charlie Ward, he's gonna fold like a cheap card table, but if you're asking me for genuinely sophisticated analyses -- and I sense that you are -- you gotta give me some time…at least twenty minutes.

Dan: How ya doin'? Rebecca: Dan! Dan: I knew I knew you. Rebecca: Yes. Dan: You're Steve Cisco's wife. Rebecca: Ex-wife. Dan: We were introduced once. Rebecca: Yes. Dan: Why have you been pretending you didn't remember me? Rebecca: Look who’s talking! You didn't remember me and you weren't pretending. Dan: Yeah, but then we met in the elevator and you pretended you didn't remember me after that. Until you did remember me later but then you didn't want to go out with me anyway. Rebecca: That's right. Dan: Because "sportscasters are self-absorbed, narrow-minded people of limited intelligence and limitless ego." Rebecca: That's right. Dan: Lemme tell you something - first of all, I'm a sports anchor not a sportscaster, second of all you married a jerk. I know about Steve Cisco, everybody knows about Steve Cisco, sister you married a loser. And the fact that you think that that man's brand of low-grade manhood is in any way indicative of my profession is beneath your obvious intelligence and class. What guys like that do to women like you makes me absolutely crazy. (pause) I knew I recognized you. Will you look at this? You're working late, I've got a show to do in ten minutes just twelve stories up. There's no earthly reason why you shouldn't be having dinner with me after the show. It'd be midnight, we'd go to a great place, and I'd ask you about your day, because I genuinely do care about your day, and I'd be funny and you’d have a good time. And when I took you home at like 3 AM, I'd have tried to kiss you goodnight and I think I’d have been successful. In fact I know it. (pause) And I can't believe none of that is ever going to happen because once there was a time you married an idiot. (pause) I've got to get back to my job which, rest assured, I do considerably better than Steve Cisco.

(The show's producer, Dana (Felicity Huffman), asks Casey (Peter Krause) to cease his Jerry Falwell jabs on the air after the studio building receives a bomb threat by a religious fanatic. Apparently a radio station in the building features a show where the radio personality does Jesus with a lisp. Casey reacts poorly to the request to cease his attacks on Jerry Falwell.)
Casey McCall: No, I know I'm alone on this. I know the vast majority of people consider Jerry Falwell a spiritual pillar of great and gentle wisdom. I know that most people consider him a scholarly and tolerant man who would never judge others harshly because they were different. I know that most people consider his leadership to be a gentle, soothing beacon in a time of great social chaos. His guidance, for instance, on the great purple Teletubby matter was fraught with the kind of theological sophistication that only Jerry Falwell and a cafeteria full of sixth-graders could devise. I know, I'm going way out on a limb, but I think Jerry Falwell's a fat-ass. Now, which of our viewers did I just offend?

Kudos and much thanks go to Templeton, Robert-Sean Patrick, Cheese, Andrew, John K., and Mark for these monologues, it is very much appreciated.