The Sky's the Limit
written by Frank Fenton, S.K. Lauren, Lynn Root, & William T.
Ryder
(A nervous Harriman standing behind the banquet table. The applause is for him. Harriman attempts to introduce manufacturer Harvey J. Sloan.)
Harriman: Our guest of honor tonight needs no introduction. But I have one or two points which I wanted to make by way of... introduction. Ah, I'm, heh heh, reminded of a story which probably most of you heard. I think it's quite permissible to tell it here tonight as we're all one big family. Uh, there were...
(Harriman suddenly spots a priest seated nearby. After a long, telling pause, Harriman continues.)
Harriman: The man that we have as guest of honor here tonight is the man I feel free to say who has made this company what it is today. (Sloan, smoking his cigar, grins and nods to the assembled crowd.)
Harriman: The question now arises, what is this company today? I don't want to inject a serious note into the occasion but, heh heh, what is anything today? So much for the production end. When this man entered the field there was -- let us face it -- a bottleneck in the industry. You all know what a bottleneck is...
(Harriman tries to pantomime a bottleneck.)
Harriman: But, uh, it's not as easy as that. Now, I have prepared, or had prepared, some, er, charts... which will show you more graphically just what this bottleneck was and how this one man -- aided, of course, by thousands of you employees -- uh, eliminated the bottleneck and substituted for it, uh...
(A deadly pause as Harriman loses his train of thought while trying to find his pointer. After what seems like an eternity, Harriman finds the pointer and turns to his charts on a stand beside him.) Harriman: Now, here is a chart showing plastic production as compared with metal production in the year...
(Harriman examines the chart for a moment.) Harriman: The year doesn't seem to be shown on here. Uh, so we'll say, 1936, for fun, huh? Uh, in 1936, you'll see -- or whatever year it was -- that these things, uh, ran into fantastic figures. Uh, for instance, in 1936, (reads from the chart) two million four hundred and forty-five thousand as compared with three million three hundred and fifty thousand in... some other year. Uh, or, er, twenty-five per cent of 1936. And by 1936 is meant 1934. This is all per capita, mind you. Now, we...
(Harriman takes a closer look at the chart.)
Harriman: Oh, that's what I was afraid of. This is the wrong chart. Uh, I thought -- you see, this has got aluminum and nickel and tin on it and...
(Harriman starts looking at his other charts.)
Harriman: ...we were gonna work on, er... (finds the right chart) Man hours! Here, here. (puts the right chart on the stand) Well, that's more like it. See, this has the years on it. That makes it much easier... to understand. (uses the pointer) Now, uh, here is -- we have the maximum peak. Now, I presume that means in man hours... per hour... per man hour. And the bottleneck here came in getting these man hours from 1940 to 1939. Uh, let's look at it from another angle. In 1942, a hundred and sixty million, you see, 1941, until we reach the probable saturation point. And high time, too. But, uh, I don't know, it's, uh, when you consider that all of these were man hours -- and foot pounds... per hour -- why, I just don't see how the man did it, frankly.
(Sloan smiles and fixes his glasses. Harriman sets up another chart.)
Harriman: Now, we come to the mobilization...
)(Harriman stares at the chart. He can't make head or tail of it. Finally, he just gives up.)
Harriman: Well, I see that my time is up and, uh... Some other time, perhaps. (quietly, to himself, off the chart) I don't understand that one. (to the audience) Uh, but the point that I wanted to make was that we're all here tonight and, uh...
(Harriman grabs a glass of wine from the table, snarfs it down, and is suddenly able to rattle off the rest of the speech flawlessly.) Harriman: It now gives me great pleasure to introduce our eminent guest of honor, the man who, as I said before, needs no introduction, Mr. Harvey Sloan.
(Hearty applause for Sloan, or perhaps for the end of Harriman's ordeal.)