Scrambled Eggs
written by Templeton Moss
Sally has just left her husband, Henry, after a marriage of three years was ended by his infidelity. With the help of her friend Babs, she gets over Henry and learns how to live her life on her own again…not that staring at the hot guy in the apartment across the way doesn’t help a great deal…
Nathan was dumped by his fiancée on the eve of his wedding. A strong guy by nature, he seems to be having trouble bouncing back. But with his friend Danny by his side, he will learn that “strength isn’t about punching someone. It’s about getting up off the mat when you get punched."
("Dear Nathan" -- In his first scene, Nathan has been skipping around the apartment with glee, secure in the knowledge that he’s getting married in the morning. Then he gets a note from Kris, his fiancée, and reads it.)
Danny: Nathan? Nate, you okay? You're white as a ghost. (Nathan, saying nothing stands up and walks to the window very slowly, dropping the letter on the floor behind him. Danny picks it up) Nate what is it? (reads) "Dear Nathan: Let me begin by saying that I will always love you, nothing can ever change that. The times we have shared are some of the most dear and precious to me. I will never forget you, Nathan. And yet, for all the happiness we shared, I felt that I needed something more. When I looked into your eyes I was looking for something. Something I never even knew I was searching for until…(pauses, then goes on) until I met Brian. (painful pause) I never meant for it to happen, you must believe that. I know you understand because we always understood each other. You showed me poetry, happiness and fantasy romance. Sadly, fantasy has no place in the real world. Brian has showed me openness, meaning and passion that I have never known before. I pray that someday you will find it in your heart to forgive me. By the time you get this letter, Brian and I will already be on our way to Vegas. With Undying Love, Kristine Sawyer. PS—I am so sorry." (painfully long silence) Oh my God. Nathan, I...I don’t know what to say. Who is Brian anyway?
Nathan: (softly) Her podiatrist.
Danny: Her foot doctor?
Nathan: Well, our foot doctor. I recommended him.
("Denounement" -- this is a theatrical term. It basically means a resolution, the tying up of loose ends. Here Sally explains what she's learned over the last few dozen pages.)
Sally: I know I need help. Not medical help, not psychological help, not professional help but something is broken inside me and needs fixing.
Babs: What are you talking--?
Sally: Please, just wait a minute. I've got to do my denouement now...(gets herself together and begins the monologue that explains the whole character...hopefully) Did you know that the whole time we were together, Henry never once told me I was beautiful? I dressed up, I did my hair, I put on makeup, I did all those things in Vogue Magazine to get men to do our bidding and the closest he ever came to complimenting me on my appearance was "You’ve got something in your teeth."
Babs:Henry's a jackass. Old news. Go on.
Sally: No, it's not just Henry. It was everybody. My mother and father, society, my school teachers. No positive reinforcement, no acknowledgement, no praise. (pause) Do you know why I even married Henry? (Babs shakes her head "no.") Because I thought he was the best I could do. I'm not kidding. I thought that he was the best that would come along and that any man was better than nothing. What in God's name makes us think we've got nothing? When Henry divorced me and we were talking about what an asshole he is, all I was thinking was, "This is my fault. I drove him into that woman's bed. I should've been a better wife." I swear to God, that's what I thought. But I'm fed up! I'm not gonna live like this anymore. I have worth, Babs. I have value. If he wants to just cast me aside like I'm nothing, that's his loss. I'm a wonderful person. I'm smart and I'm sexy and I'm an excellent Gin player. You know why I was afraid of Window Guy? I felt like I didn't deserve him. I felt like I had to settle. It's the same place inside me that makes me afraid to wash my underwear in public. Like someone isn't going to approve of the fact that I own a thong. Well from this moment on, I don't give a good damn who approves of what I do. I control my life, Babs. Me! If I want to date an hot guy, I'll date him. If I want to sleep with Aidan, I'll sleep with him. If I want to send a mysterious stranger a lace calling card, I'll do it. It's my life, and nobody can tell me what to be afraid of anymore.
(pause)
("Telling Him Off" -- Danny tells Nathan what's what)
Danny: Well that’s too bad, because I think more. I think this always came easy to you. I think you liked it that way. I think now it's suddenly a challenge and you don't like that very much. I think you're afraid that you're not the Greek god you think you are. I think you're afraid of going out into a world that is unimpressed with your charm, good looks, bulging muscles, brilliant writing and pleasant personality. I think rather than face up to the fact that it's harder now and put forth more of an effort you'd rather quit while you’re ahead and retire from the dating game so that you won’t have to face mediocrity. But you don't need to be afraid of any of these things, Nathan, because people still like you. Women still like you, men still wish you liked them, you are still the same Nathan you were when you were voted most popular guy at Aaron City High, except much, much better. (silence) Kris was a bitch, Nathan. I never said anything because of how in love with her you seemed to be, but I don't think I ever believed that she was happy with you. And she blew it, Nathan. She had you and she blew it. She couldn't even love someone like you and that to me is sad. I'll be honest, when I read her note it was all I could do to keep from jumping up and down with glee. I was elated that you didn't marry her, Nathan. Can you imagine how unhappy you'd be with someone who didn't love you? You don't need to be afraid of being alone, Nate. You need to be afraid of not finding the person you're supposed to be with. Which is exactly what will happen if you don't occasionally leave this apartment for some destination other than the launderette across the street. The first step to scoring is to get in the game. Kris has ruined her life, Nathan. Don’t let her ruin yours too. (meaningful pause)
Kudos and much thanks go to Templeton Moss for these monologues, it is very much appreciated.
These monologues are part of a full-length play by Templeton Moss. If you are interested in presenting this play at your school, local theater or repertory company, you can contact the author by phone, e-mail or post.
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