From "Scooter Thomas Makes It To the Top of the World"
from the play written by Peter Parnell

Scooter: Jesus Christ. What have I gotten myself into... Oh, Jeezo, jeezo, jeez... (he comes forward tentatively, looking around. He talks out beyond the audience) Leslie?...Leslie Pinkus?...Are you still out there? I know you can hear me, because I can hear you. I can understand if you don't want to come out again, I mean I probably wouldn't either, but I just want you to hear what I have to say. Just listen to the sound of voice, Miss Pinkus. Okay? Because the things is, ya see, I know you won't believe this or anything, but the truth is I never woulda tried to do what I did with you if it hadn't been for a stupid crazy bet I made six weeks ago with my idiot friend Dennis Wright who told me he once tried to feel your boobs underwater and you let him. That's what he told me, that's the God's honest truth, and I know I was an even bigger idiot for believing him, but the thing is he made it sound really good and there was no way out of it but for me to tell him I could do the same thing and maybe even go farther, you understand what I mean? Anyway, I'm sorry I tried to put my tongue down your throat. I'm even sorrier it missed and got stuck in your braces. It wasn't too pleasant for me either. I hope we can still be friends and maybe write letters to each other after we go home tomorrow. Okay? You can stop crying and come out of the bushes now, Leslie. Or if you want, I'll go away. Do you want me to go away? I just don't want you to have to walk back through the woods alone, that's all. See, I've got a compass, so I'm sure we won't get lost. I know not to walk in circles, Leslie. So why don't you come out now. Or if you want, pretend like I'm not even here. Okay? Just pretend like I'm not even here. LESLIEE! All right, Pinkus, if that's the way you feel about it, I'll just go away! And I hope you get lost in the woods and get eaten by a grizzly bear so nobody else ever gets to put their tongue down your throat ever again because nobody would ever want to, anyway! Nobody ever ever! Nobody nobody nobody...