Ponder
written by Wilson Wong

Brandon: (paraphrasing) "Because we do not know when we will die, we come to see life as a inexhaustible well. But everything only happens a certain number of times. A very small number really. How many more times would you look back at a certain afternoon of your childhood, a afternoon that is so deeply a part of your being that you cannot conceive your life without it? Perhaps four, five times more? Perhaps not even that. How many more times would you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. Yet it all seems limitless." (stops paraphrasing) That quote I just paraphrased has a lot of meaning to it huh? It makes you ponder that each moment of your life is precious and also unpredictable. Recently it’s been brought sharply into focus for me. I just lost a really good friend of mine. . It was hard for me to cope. Yeah that was traumatic and all. You see I was mad at Jim. I was mad at him because…you see I liked this girl but I never made my move. I just had a few classes with her and I see her walk down the hall at school but that’s it. Then suddenly here’s Jim and her started dating. It was just stupid you know! I never told him that I liked her and how was he suppose to know? I couldn’t help feeling betrayed even though Jim didn’t mean to hurt me emotionally. But I let it get to me. The next few weeks when I tried to shut them out of my life. Every time Jim would walk towards me I would go the other way. I just acted like a complete asshole. You know it gets better. The night before Jim died, there was this party. I decided to go so I could get my mind off things that were bothering me. Just when I was feeling better, Jim happened to be there with her. You know here I am trying to move on and there he is. I tried to leave and Jim attempted to talk to me. But I was just so much in rage I grabbed him and threw him to the ground. The next morning I got a phone call from Jim’s mom that he was killed in a hit and run accident. That just hit me right in the heart. I started to ask myself many times why did I have to act like such a jerk. Jim was only trying to see why I’m acting that way. I wish I could turn back the clock and give him a chance to explain. But it was too late. It was eating me up inside and I felt like…I lost the ability to cope. Now thinking about it…how stupid and petty the whole situation. Was it worth being mad at him for dating a girl that I liked…and I didn’t even mention to him that I liked her? No it’s not worth jeopardizing years of friendship over a girl. (takes another puff of his cigarette) I guess you wondering how I moved on…I realized something. I realized that he’s still here with me…okay somebody guided me to that…but she made me realize something…that Jim is still here with me. Maybe not physically you see…(points to his head) He’s in here. He will always be in here. I know for a fact that he forgave me the moment I threw him down. So I guess I’m saying you gotta live life to the fullest extent. You never know what’s bound to happen.

Kudos and much thanks go to Wilson for this monologue , it is very much appreciated.