A Night at the Opera
written by George S. Kaufman & James Kevin McGuinness
Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): (whispering as Fiorello steps up to the podium, looking nervous) Hurry up, I see a guy in the crowd with a rope.
Fiorello: Friends...how we happened to come to America is a great story, but I no tell that. When we first started out we gotta no idea you would give us this grand reception. We don't deserve it. And when I say we don't deserve it, believe me I know what I'm talking about. So now I tell you how we fly to America. The first time we started we got halfway across, when we run out of gasoline, and we gotta go back. Then I take twice as much gasoline. This time we were just about to land, maybe three feet...when whaddya think? We run outta gasoline again, and back we go halfway over, when whaddya think happened? We forgot the aeroplane. So we gotta sidown and we talk it over. Then I getta the great idea. We no take gasoline, we no take the aeroplane....WE TAKE A STEAMSHIP!! And that my friends is how we fly across the ocean.
Kudos and much thanks go to "Face" for the donation of this monologue, it is very much appreciated.