L.I.E.
written by Stephen Ryder
Big John Harrigan: You know, there's a book, "Cyrano De Bergerac," by Edmond Rostand. It's a story about a guy with an exaggerated proboscis -- a real long one. That nose was a metaphor, an insignia of his inescapable 'differentness.' Isolated from society at large, he compensated for his sense of inferiority by becoming the finest swordsman in all of France. And a rapier wit, to boot! (beat) You see, Howard -- you and Cyrano are much alike. But since you have a cute little nose...(he tweaks Howie's nose)...that can't be it. You're different in other ways. You're like a diamond in a coal bin. (beat) So it follows that you must become a great swordsman -- so no one will trifle with you.
Kudos and much thanks go to Sabb for this monologue, it is very much appreciated.