Hurlyburly
written by David Rabe
Eddie: I mean, the aborigines had their problems too. Sure, y'know, tigers in the trees, dogs after his food. And in the Middle Ages everybody really had to worry about witches and goblins. But we have this stuff eating at us. We've got stuff...we don't even...I mean why do you think that all the warlords of the world. They're so anxious to get their personal little stash of chemical weapons. They call them weapons of mass destruction but they're not. They're very, very selective. Chemical weapons are very careful about what they destroy. They annihilate people and preserve things. They love things. You and I would be dead. Gas, puke, gone. Whereas, y'know, other, earlier, older people -- the ancients could look to the heavens, which in their minds was inhabited by this thoughtful, meditative...y'know, maybe a trifle unpredictable and wrathful, but nevertheless up there...this divine onlooker. We've got anchorpersons and talking heads. We've got politicians who decide life and death issues on the basis of their media consultants... That's what we've got!
Bonnie: Oh boy, Eddie. I think I'm gonna need a magnifying glass to find what's left of your good points. What is going on with you?
Eddie: (pleadingly) Suck my dick.
Bonnie: Aw, c'mon. I'm being serious here. I thought you had this girlfriend and it was this significan, mutually fulfilling, blah blah blah, relationship?
Eddie: Things have taken a turn for the worse, that's all. Suck my dick.
Bonnie: Like what?
Eddie: She doesn't love me.
Bonnie: Who?
Eddie: My girlfriend!!
Bonnie: Whaddaya mean?
Eddie: Whaddaya mean what do I mean? My girlfriend doesn't want me.
Bonnie: Oh sure she does.
Eddie: Nooooo!
Bonnie: Why?
Eddie: I don't know, but she doesn't.
Bonnie: Are you certain?
Eddie: Bonnie..I'm a real person, y'know? I'm not some goddamn TV image here, okay? I'm a real person, real human, right? Now you know that... I just... Suck my dick okay? Suck my...SUCK MY DICK!!
Bonnie: You know, if your manner of speech is in any way a reflection of what goes on inside your head, you're lucky you can tie your shoes.
Eddie: You want me to be kinder? I say NO!! Be harder, colder. Be a ROCK!! (clenches fist) or polyurethane. That's my advice. Be a thing...and live!
Bonnie: Have you ever considered that maybe you're just doing a little bit too much shit there Eddie? I mean even outlaws have to take precautionary measures.
Eddie: You're right... Do you ever have that experience where your thoughts are like these totally separate, totally self-sustaining phone booths in this like vast, uninhabited shopping mall in your head? Didya ever have that experience? (pause) I don't feel loved! Even if she loves me, I don't feel it. I DON'T FEEL IT! And I feel. I'm sick of it, okay!? Y'know what I mean?
Bonnie: I'm gonna go.
Eddie: What for?
Bonnie: Home.
Kudos and much thanks go to Drew for this monologue, it is very much appreciated.