100 Girls
written by Michael Davis
(Dora is on the roof of the dorm, standing on the edge and looking off into space.)
Dora: You know, the first time I did this, nobody noticed. Now nobody cares.
Matt: I care. Why are you doing this?
Dora: Because I was born with the greatest curse of all.
Matt: What's that?
Dora: I'm ugly. And I'm also very smart.
Matt: You're not ugly.
Dora: I know what's in store for me. No one will ever have passion for me. People all around me will be falling in love, and making love, and getting married, and having kids. The closest thing I'll ever have to that is someone inviting me to their Christmas dinner because they feel guilty I might be spending the holiday alone. Or if I'm lucky, my male counterpart, an obese man or guy with a harelip, will invite me to coffee. And we'll pretend to love each other, and tie the knot because we're so desperately afraid of growing old alone.
Kudos and much thanks go to Snapple Me Blue for this monologue, it is very much appreciated.